I told my daughter I didn't like her...
I told my daughter I didn't like her last night before bed. She sat there stunned for a second and said, "Well, I don't like you much either, so I guess it's time for bed." And then she walked out and went to bed.
And I let her go.
Usually I will go to her after an incident like that and "make it right", but on this night, I was just too tired to care anymore and I fell asleep.
And now I am awake and have been struggling with this feeling for the past two hours. And here is where I find myself.
I think it's ok for our kids to know we don't like them sometimes. As we grow up, when we do something hurtful to someone else, they will either tell us or show us in one way or another. So what better way for kids to practice not being "liked", than in a place where they know there is unconditional love? Where they know they will still wake up to a snuggle and breakfast and a ride to school and an "I love you even tho we were not at our best last night" as she gets out of the car?
Really, what better place is there to feel failure than right in the middle of love?
I don't love this particular stage of life with her. It's hard and she is like a mirror of all of my Jr. High insecurities. Most days it seems I cannot do anything right.
But (and this is the important part) I love this girl and her fierceness and her matter-of-factness. And most of all, I love the fact that she will always be calling me to love in ways that I never even knew I was capable of.
And that is enough to get me back to sleep.